I’m 6 month post seizure event and overall things are back to normal. The new normal. That is, the seizure event seems like a dream that keeps lingering in the back of your mind. You keep wondering, did that really happen to me? Why can’t I remember things from that day. The thing is, that event, is missing a few gigabytes of memory and you are not going to get that back, no matter how many times you visit the recycle bin.
Why do I want to remember that horrific event? Simple. I don’t want it to happen again.
What I do know is that my seizures were triggered by a drug called Wellbutrin. Overdosing on it by accident and the abuse of Benadryl for sleep aid and not getting enough sleep sort of pushed me over the edge. I get it. A perfect storm.
I don’t want my life to be put on hold while I try to reconfigure my brain cells. I woke up everyday wondering if I would remember my husband’s name or if I would get lost when I left the house.
I came out from the other side. Slightly different. A lot more appreciative of life and everything that it has to offer. Don’t get me wrong. There is still small residue of brain skitchiness from the massive amount of drugs that I was on as well as skitchiness of the event itself.
I have gone through a blitzkrieg of a of doctor appointments to deal with all my bodily ailments, (I did max out my individual and family medical deductions, so….) including ongoing migranes with the the light sensitivity and the eye tracking.
I ask my neurologist and he reassures me that the seizures were a one time event and that I should go on with my life again.
I am quiet when he tells me this. How is he so confident that it won’t happen again. He senses my quietness and reassures me again. I smile into the video camera and resolve that he is correct. This is a one time event. I wish I had that level of confidence. i wish I was certain that it won’t happen again.
I am also seeing an eye doctor to deal with the light sensitivity and she reassures me that my eyes are normal. The light sensitivity and tracking, well, I did go through a major brain halt. It will take time to completely recover.
Take it slow and don’t expect everything to go back to the way it was. It is different now.
The message I get is that they don’t know. Sometimes it takes a while for it to go away. What I do know is that my brain skitched out for a little bit and reminded me that life is as it is. A moment when things need to reset.
I’m paying attention. Going on with my life with a few precautions. Drugs are bad for me. I’m overly sensitive to basically everything.
I’m working on being very mindful. Being aware of every moment. Keenly aware that it could all get taken away and you start over with a new player. A new set of rules and items to collect.