Starting From Ground Zero.
Mother. Daughter. Crone.
These three personas are chapters in our lives whether we are conscious of the path. Sometimes, we switch roles between mother and daughter. We are someone’s mother and someone’s daughter. Only at journey’s end, we all get to be the crone.
I am a writer. I am a mother. I am a seeker of curiosity and seeker of knowledge. I am continuously trying to find how things fit together and comes apart. I know when to step away from a situation and analyze the complexity and see how it fits into the big picture. Ironically, in my own life, I don’t necessarily know when to step away from a situation. Before the inward collapse takes over. When that happens, the universe steps in and makes that decision for me. I trust in the universe. I trust that all things do work out in the end.
My work told me to go on 4 weeks leave of absence to take care of family matters. Some could see this a blessing in disguise in a way. I needed the time away from work to focus on me. To focus on re-energizing the house – both the physical and the mental. This meant taking a step back, re-evaluating my life and starting from ground zero.
The previous 9 months, my husband and I had our world turned upside down when we discovered that our daughter was struggling through an eating disorder. She had been battling with bulimia, cutting and then anorexia for close to 3 years prior.
Now at this point, you may be thinking how could we as parents let this disorder run rampant for 3 years. Let me tell you my friend, an eating disorder is a mental disorder. It sneaks around the corner of your life and hides. Manipulates and deceives. You can even say that like addiction, an eating disorder runs along the same context.
As many of you know, the range of eating disorders can range with each person. What they have in common is the destruction of the family unit. The parents, family and friends to which it effects. The only way to really make sense of this mental disorder is to separate the disorder from the person. Even though they are essentially the same person, it is important to note the personality of the disorder, the aggression, the hatred the darkness that this disorder plunges everyone into.
It is important to remember that the only way to recover from this is through compassion and understanding that the family is the one thing that will ensure recovery.
This is the reason why I am writing down these thoughts. To help me through all of this madness. To make sense of the chaos and through compassion, I too will recover.