Post Christmas

These days I am balanced between keeping the house clean and orderly and letting it all go into a chaotic shit hole of clutter and mess.
My mind races as I try to wrap up the remaining presents, a token of my love to those around me.
I am reading about meditation and Buddhism and the definition of love in Buddhism is wanting others to be happy. To love unconditionally.
I am trying to be compassionate and see from the other side. I see passion fueled, I see fear and hurt, I see love.
I can’t do all this.
I realize that my hip surgery will be the turning point for many things. I want to see my daughter get better and past her eating disorder. I want to see My husband past his hurt and anger and move forward.
I want to let go of my guard and ask and accept help.
This will be a big change for me.
Acceptance and letting go.
Letting go and accepting help.
These two concepts keeps coming back over and over again in my life.

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