Sorting things out in my head

And my heart. Waking up from jarring dreams and wondering where my head is at. I am somewhere between sleep and waking. Somewhere between here and yesterday.
I need to slow down my thoughts to one thought.
One breath.
One conscious movement to reach beyond just resting.
It is hard to let go of the fear but I need to in order to grow.
Let go of my child. Little by little.
She will grow and hopefully thrive on her own.
What I miss is the closeness we used to have. That secret sharing of a moment. The giggling and whispering in the dark.
This is what I miss. Comforting her through her confusion and betrayals.
Now she turns to her own friends and I need to not let my feelings be hurt.
I need to let go. Breath and push through all of this.
Be in the moment.
Ohm mani padme hum.
She will grow and thrive.
I will push through.
Focus on what I’m doing now.
Work through thoughts.
Work through emotions.
Documenting someone else’s code is like navigating through someone else’s dreams.
What were they thinking when they wrote this?!
I am just documenting not questioning.
This I have to work through.
Ohm mani padme hum.
Ohm mani padme hum.

Be strong.
Be calm. Be still.


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